Grief: How to Live and Recover from Loss
/Grief is a natural response to loss. It might be the loss of a loved one, relationship, miscarriage, pet, job or way of life. Other experiences of loss may be due to children leaving home, infertility and separation from friends and family. The more significant the loss, the more intense the grief is likely to be.
Let's start at the very beginning by understanding what Grief and Loss is:
Grief is a natural response to loss. It might be the loss of a loved one, relationship, miscarriage, pet, job or way of life. Other experiences of loss may be due to children leaving home, infertility and separation from friends and family. The more significant the loss, the more intense the grief is likely to be.
Grief is expressed in many ways and it can affect every part of your life: your emotions, thoughts and behaviour, beliefs, physical health, your sense of self and identity, and your relationships with others. Grief can leave you feeling sad, angry, anxious, shocked, regretful, relieved, overwhelmed, isolated, irritable or numb.
Grief is a process that each person experiences in a unique way. It’s how you process, cope and learn to live with a significant loss. By allowing yourself to grieve and accepting the support of others you will begin to heal. You will not forget your loss but you will be able to look to the future with a sense of hope and find a way to live with your loss.
Grief has no set pattern. Everyone experiences grief differently. Some people may grieve for weeks and months, while others may describe their grief lasting for years. Through the process of grief however you begin to create new experiences and habits that work around your loss.
How to Get through Grief and Loss:
Grief is something that takes time to work through. While everyone finds their own way to grieve, it is important to have the support of friends and family or someone else, and to talk about your loss when you need to.
What you can do to help yourself:
Don’t be afraid to ask for help - reach out, people want to help you.
Talk to friends and family about how you are feeling, or consider joining a support group.
Take care of your physical health. Grieving can be exhausting so it is important to eat a healthy diet, exercise and sleep.
What you can do to help some else:
Many people do not know what to say or do when trying to comfort someone who is grieving. However, often it is the simple offer of love and support that is the most important.
Ask how they are feeling. Each day can be different for someone who is grieving; take the time to listen and understand what they are going through.
Talk about everyday life too. Their loss and grief does not have to be the focus of all your conversations.
Just let them know that you're there for them - sometimes people feel displaced, unanchored and that they don't belong anywhere
Make time to call or contact - just a quick call or reach out can help someone feel safe and less alone
It's also important to recognise when healing is blocked in some way. Some people don't know how to grieve or don't understand that what they're feeling is grief and loss, they think they should be able to "just get over it". If this is you or someone you know, or if grief does not seem to be easing over time, it's time to seek help from a Counsellor.
A Holistic Counsellor is someone you can really talk to and sometimes it's much easier to talk to them than someone you know well because you don't have to worry about upsetting them with your grief - especially if you're grieving the loss of a loved one.
As a professional helper, your Holistic Counsellor is interested in how they can help you cope with the loss - whether it's a person, a relationship, a job, a pet, a change - and don’t forget aging, it’s common for people to grieve loss of youth and the physical changes that seem to creep up unnoticed or to worry about end of life, even if it’s not yet on the horizon. The goal is to start living a more balanced life.
They can help you understand and recognise the stages of grief and loss and guide you through the healing process. Holistic Counselling helps you to feel safe, to find acceptance rather than to struggle with loss. It just makes you feel less alone. Working with a Holistic Counsellor is like reading a self-help book except that they're right there with you helping you find your way back to wholeness.
Grief and Loss is complex. It is triggered by a whole bunch of day to day life events - and it doesn’t matter how long ago you suffered the loss. Triggers bring up regrets and self-recrimination causing stories to go round and round in your head, driving you nuts. The line between regret and self-recrimination and what actually occurred can become blurred - complicating the healing process.
Sometimes it’s frustrating because it feels like no-one can help you to let go or other people don’t understand what’s happening inside you, and sometimes you don’t understand either. It can be quite an isolating and alone kind of feeling, and leads to other fears about who loves you, who’s interested in you and a whole suite of “what if’s”, which magnify the feelings of grief and loss because they take you into a whole other aspect of the grief and loss experience. Letting go doesn’t mean forgetting. It’s more about finding the peaceful place within you and a different perspective on life.
Mark Hales - Julia’s Husband - is my pick for Holistic Grief and Loss Counselling. With more than 10 years experience working in specialist areas - one of which is Counselling Grief and Loss - he uses a variety of holistic approaches in his work. If you’d like to talk to Mark prior to booking sessions with him, he offers a free 15 minute no-obligation conversation. And if you like or need flexible options, he also offers online sessions via Skype, Zoom and Facebook Messenger. Find him at Counselling in Manly with this link - here. Aloha x
